I've been quite hesitant about writing this post as I somewhat didn't want it to have to come to this. I keep wanting to post then keep saving it to my drafts in the fear of what people might think. For me, writing this post is a form of 'quitting' or 'letting my guard down' in some ways and I hate feeling defeated by obstacles thrown in my way. But right now blogging isn't one of my main priorities and I want to tackle the 'irl' stuff first before I can fully put myself back into my blog. If you lack passion and motivation for something you are supposed to enjoy then what really is the point? I've always hated sounding like a 'me-me' person but I hope that it gives my readers a better understanding as to why I feel the need to just take a back seat for a while.
One of the main reasons for the hiatus is my depression. I was diagnosed June last year due to Post Traumatic Stress which was brought on by my dad's fiance dying of lung cancer and being made redundant from my job all in the space of two weeks. Without going into too much detail my dad and I had a very on/off relationship for many years and we basically hadn't spoken two years previous. Also loosing my full time job and the thought of going back onto the dole just two weeks after my dads fiance died was pretty hard to digest.
My depression has recently played a massive part when it comes to my blog. If many of you have a blog yourself you'll know of something called 'Bloggers Guilt' which I have suffered with for the past 4 years of having this blog. I have always felt that my blog is never good enough, especially over 4 years and feeling that I'm constantly stuck in a rut. With so many bigger bloggers out there and so many lesser known bloggers I often feel like a little fish in a big pond. It's so hard to stand out from the rest even when you are putting out genuine content and doing the same things that all the bigger bloggers do (and if not better for some). With depression and having feelings of guilt I just don't think these things make it any better for myself. People say you shouldn't compare yourself to others but sometimes it's just hard not to and to be quite honest, I think it's only normal to feel that way.
Another reason for this hiatus is that I have been working extremely hard at my job recently and my contract may change quite soon so I'll be even busier than I am now. With my depression and working I'm extremely lethargic and all I want to do on my days off is just sit in my pj's and 'veg out'. Most people know that blogging does take a lot of effort especially when you are doing it all single handed. I have such admiration for people who do it as a full time job.
And lastly, if you know me in real life or are following me on Instagram you'll know that I got my rescue dog Ozzy 6 months ago who I just had to put to sleep over a week ago. It was as simple as my mum throwing a ball for him and the next thing I knew he was in the vets as he was left paralysed in his back legs. Being an animal lover and especially with how I feel anyway it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life. Ozzy somewhat cured me of my depression. He gave me a reason to get up in the morning and kept my mind off things as I had him to think about and attend to. He was my best friend (and somewhat like my child) and within 4 days he was gone. I didn't eat for over a week and I hate to say this, but even had feelings of suicide. That's how heartbroken I was (and still am) over it.
People have told me that I need to think of myself more. So for once I'm going to take their advice. I really do enjoy blogging but I feel that I have so much on my plate (or in my head) that I need to sort myself out first before anything. I hope my honesty shows through this post and hopefully with that in mind, I really do hope people will not judge me for it. Depression is unfortunately quite a taboo subject but until you know someone who has suffered it or you're going through it yourself, you may never understand. Hopefully you can see where I'm coming from. Even reading back through this whole post brings me to tears.
I'm still on Instagram and may even do a couple Youtube videos in my spare time so follow me on those if you wish. I most certainly want to keep up with my blog, but as of now I just need some me time.
So I've been saving up and selling all my old clothes on Depop so I can re-decorate my room. I feel like every time I'm on the internet I'm looking at home stuff. I'm constantly on Pinterest & Tumblr looking for inspiration and trying to find unique pieces. The first thing I'd love to do would be to change my carpet but unfortunately that's not on the cards anytime soon.
I'm going for a scandi/minimal feel in my room. I re-painted it a nice mauve/stone colour (Soft Truffle by Laura Ashley to be precise) and just building all my furniture/decoration around it. Unfortunately I'm having to do things gradually due to lack of funds but most of the stuff I've gathered up are from eBay. You can always find great and affordable homewares on eBay and Etsy is great for finding unique pieces from cute little independent shops. I'm just so looking forward to having it all over and done with!
So I picked up this amazing long-line blazer while killing some time before an appointment (as you do..) in the H&M sale for only £14.99! I'd been after something like this for ages and it just came at the right time and for 50% off why not?
I've been obsessed with Boohoo recently. I just keep seeing loads of nice stuff and the wishlist keeps expanding. I bought this little rib polo neck as I was buying my sisters birthday presents (I just couldn't help myself!) They have it in two other colours which I'm definitely getting on pay day! Also these boots which are from Boohoo I adore. They are defiantly worth the cheap price tag and don't look under £20!
Hope you are all having a good mid week! Belinda x
Sunglasses - ASOS | Denim Jacket - Charity Shop | Side Split Tank - BOOHOO | Jeans - ASOS | Nikes - ASOS
So I've had these pictures sitting waiting to be posted for a while and have only just gotten round to it now. I sound like a stuck record in every post and say that I've been busy working but I'm going to say that I just simply let this one slip my mind, it happens.
I picked up this cute denim jacket a while back and I adore it so much. I totally wasn't expecting to find a denim jacket but for £1.99 I couldn't pass it up. Don't you just love an item more when you find it unexpectedly? Not sure if that's just me...
With the better weather I managed to get my grey Nikes out and about that I got for Christmas. Only trouble is that they rubbed on the back of my heels so much which wasn't expected in the slightest. They seem so much more tougher to break in than my first pair of Roshe Runs but I adore them none the less.
Hope everyone is enjoying the bank holiday! I headed to a carboot a couple weeks ago and managed to pick myself up a Tom Petty Cd and I just can't get enough of it now, hence the title of this post.